I have a confession to make. I’m back on my antidepressants. The last month has been harder than I imagined it was going to be and I need the medical crutch to help me through it.
My fingers are pausing over the keys as I type this as I don’t feel so good about coming clean. I think this is one of my more negative posts which is why I’m hesitant in writing it. But part of recovery is admitting when things aren’t good and getting help. Part of recovery is swallowing my pride and using support that is available. Part of recovery is knowing what works and what doesn’t.
The reason for my set back is change. A whole lot of change and with no control over most of it. I’ve found it frustrating, bewildering and upsetting. I first noticed some old unwanted behaviours creeping in such as playing iPhone games instead of sleeping, snapping angrily at my husband and feeling down for no apparent reason. This post about sums it up for me: I now have to act. And act quickly before the fog moves in. So my action plan is to:
- Back on antidepressants
- Leave my iPhone downstairs at night and pick up a book at bedtime
- Share my feelings (this is the start)
- Slow down. Stop rushing around when I’m not at work.
I feel an overwhelming urge to apologise that this isn’t my normal upbeat positive blog post but this is me. Right now. Hard hitting reality of battling depression.
So I won’t apologise but if you read this and see me this week – hugs are welcome.